Pinned toot

I was born when a tramp wanked onto a pile of flood-damaged Judas Priest albums that a record shop had thrown out. Lightning struck the cummy pile, and brought it to life. My mum is Judas Priest, my dad is cum.

Put some spiders down the mayor's pants. Even you can't fuck that up.

Forever disappointed that I can't have an industrial ear piercing because my antihelix is too bulbous.

Imagine your workplace adopts Furcadia as its messaging platform instead of Slack or whatever. Your boss is a purple otter with antlers. They do a little dance then ask you to upload the Henderson report.

Astrology and astronomy should swap names. Most other things that end in 'ology' are science.

Is it explained in the comics what the limit is of Deadpool's regeneration powers? Does he regenerate as long as his head/brain is intact? If he gets blown up/chopped to pieces, does he regenerate from the biggest bit? Or are there no fixed rules and it's based on whatever would be funny?

Imagine if it turned out God was real, and was just one of millions of higher-dimensional beings, and this universe is God's dissertation.

@Inskora Your job is to decide who gets debt forgiveness or UBI. There are literally no downsides to saying yes to each person who crosses your desk. Sometimes they send thank-you letters back!

Reverse Stardew Valley: your character is sick of raking animal shit in Bumfuck Nowhere that doesn't even have a supermarket, and moves to the city to work in a lovely air-conditioned office.

For years, I've disliked the smell of roast lamb. It smells like farts, not food. I assumed this was because I don't eat meat, so my body's stopped recognising it as food.

Today I roasted a leg of lamb for my family. It smelled acceptable, like something a person would eat. My family commented on how beautifully it was cooked.

So now I think my mum is just rubbish at roasting lamb.

Apps that don't tie your purchases to your Google account (or your Apple account if you're using an Apple device) should be illegal.

You know the trope of all dwarves having beards, regardless of gender?

How about: that ^ but orcs

I'm playing a mobile game called Decurse. The premise is fundamentally flawed because the 'cursed' areas of the town are way cooler than the restored areas. Who prefers boring green grass and white stone to cool purple undersea shit?

The turtle thing is crying because it's a transmogrified person. That's fair enough, I guess. They're probably crying because turtles can't wank or play videogames.

Judas Priest are working on another album and I'm so happy! No idea how they'll top Firepower though. That album is fucking fried gold.

CROWDFUND IDEA: hire the elderly woman that repainted that fresco of Jesus to rebuild Notre Dame Cathedral.

I think Instagram is my first 'grumpy old person doesn't understand young people's ways' thing.

Instagram:
- Doesn't show posts in chrono order
- Doesn't allow NSFW
- Doesn't let you upload via PC (useless for a lot of artists), and doesn't even let you browse your own favourite posts outside the app
- Has terrible artefact compression (again, useless for artists)
- Forces a square-crop format

Literally cannot see the fucking point.

my 'didn't cause the Notre Dame fire' shirt is raising a lot of questions answered by the shirt

Cladonota bugs look like Samorost creatures.

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Bibeogaem Zone

Hello! Welcome aboard. We're a small, friendly instance for silly people who like funny swearing and computer games. We're LGBT friendly and try to be as inclusive as possible. No knobheads.

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